


the flowers we grow

by remusroses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sweater Weather - Lumosinlove
Genre: Emotional, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Flowers, Hockey AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Personal Growth, Remus Hockey career is ended by Greyback hurting him, Sweater weather fic, later on, lumosinlove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26175154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remusroses/pseuds/remusroses
Summary: Growing up, Remus Lupin had always loved flowers of any kind.His mum had always had a small backyard garden, where she would grow ever flower one could think of. Some of the neighbours thought it was messy, because it didn’t seem to have a system. No logic in how the flowers grew.Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. She never cared to explain.- flowers throughout Remus' life <3
Relationships: Hope Lupin/Lyall Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 34





	the flowers we grow

**Author's Note:**

> This is a lumosinlove Sweater Weather fic. Julian is an OC by her and I don't own him :)  
> I have a lot more writing on my tumblr blog (also @remusroses) so check it out if you want to, requests are always open :))
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

Growing up, Remus Lupin had always loved flowers of any kind.

His mum had always had a small backyard garden, where she would grow ever flower one could think of. Some of the neighbours thought it was messy, because it didn’t seem to have a system. No logic in how the flowers grew.

Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. She never cared to explain.

But to a small Remus, it hadn’t mattered if it had a system or not. Because none of the neighbours had so many different and beautiful flowers like they did.

They had a patch of sunflowers, trimmed and straight and yes, pretty, but they didn’t have lilies and sunflowers, and daisies and roses, in red, and pink, and his favourite, yellow.

“It’s called the Remus-rose”, she had explained softly, a three-year-old Remus in her lap, dirt smeared across his nose. She was wearing the worn-out dungarees she always did gardening, and bright yellow rain boots. He had the same, in red.

“It is?” His eyes had glowed, and she nodded, brushing some hair out of his eyes. Sitting in the mud, she crawled a bit closer, and they bent down to look closer.

“See, right in the centre of the petals is a little drop, do you see it Re?”

He had nodded excitedly because, yes, he did. It had a golden colour, and it shone. Like a glitter, gold tear.

“That’s the heart. It’s the most vulnerable part, hidden safe by the body of the flower. But it’s also the most beautiful part.”

“And it’s a Remus-rose?” 

He hadn’t been able to tear his young eyes away. He hadn’t seen the faint yellow flowers ever before. In movies, they always had red ones. Remus-roses were much prettier, he thought.

“Of course, love. That’s the name. And it’s my favourite. Just like you are.”

Then she had tickled him, sending him into a laughing fit.

Of course, he had learned one day that that wasn’t the actual name of the rose, but in his mind, he still thought of it as the Remus-rose. 

-

The system of the garden never became obvious, or visible. Between some flowers, there were bigger patches of grass, or dirt, which Remus would play on, or plant his own little seeds. Between others, there was nothing but green, leaves, and colour. The fascination of the garden accompanied him growing up. As a small child there was little things more exciting than seeing the flowers grow, see that they were alive, seeing that life didn’t have to be just humans. 

On rainy days, they would all go outside and jump on the splashy grass with their rain boots, and sing to the sky and the flowers. His mum said, it was to make them grow. His dad said that Hope was a little crazy, but he sang just as loudly. His parents would kiss in the rain, pick him up and both kiss a side of his cheeks.

-

When he started playing Hockey, his mum would give him a different flower after every game, no matter how “unimportant”. They were really small flowers most of the time, and Remus never loved them less because of that. 

At one point, he was sad that they would always die, at which Lyall started to dry them for him. He would flatten them out and dry them, and stick them on his bedroom wall. By the time Julian was born, there were already many flowers decorating his wall.

He would give them a long look every night, when he was lying in bed, right before he turned off the lights. Smiling at the thought of the games he had already played, and giddy with the thought of the games he was yet to play. He grinned thinking about a point where there would be no space left, or about playing a game in the NHL and his mum giving him a large flower to put in the centre as a symbol to his dream coming true. It was their unspoken promise, their little pact.

Julians flower was the sunflower. Remus had been fifteen when he was born, and the moment he first saw his little brother, he knew that Jules was his everything, and that he would do everything to protect him. He also knew that this baby was a ray of sunshine, and no other flower was an acceptable choice.

Julian was never that interested in the flowers, not as much as Remus had been. He loved to build things in the garage with their dad, and he also loved to throw around mud in the garden, but his fascination laid more in the building of things and watching them work than watching flowers grow and the fascination with them.

Somehow, neither Remus nor his mum were bothered by it. A small part of him liked it the way it was, his dad finally having someone share his excitement, and Remus having this part of him to himself. He loved Julian more than his life, but it was nice to share this thing with their mum, alone. It was his special piece of heart.

Sunflowers though, Julian loved. Maybe it was because he had been manipulated into it from birth, which Lyall joked about, maybe because of their, sometimes massive, height and impressiveness. On his birthday, he would always get sunflowers.

-

When Remus left for College, his mum packed him some lavender, in a little silver box.

“It’s very soothing. I packed you some oil too. It can help you relax, before games”, she murmured, eyes teary, before he smiled and she started really crying.

“Our baby, leaving for college”, she sniffled into his neck, kissing his forehead. He had laughed, but his voice had been thick too, tears brimming his eyes.

“Better make us proud, eh?”, Lyall said softly, pulling him in for a hug too. 

The lavender and the oil felt cold in his hands. Before games, when he would put too much pressure on himself and his anxiety would get the best of him, he would lie down and Hope would massage his temples with some drops of the oil to soothe his nerves, while telling him something irrelevant, completely unimportant, just to distract him.

“We’re gonna put a flower on your wall for ever game, promise”, his dad added, hands on Julians shoulders and holding him steady. Remus just nodded. Then he bent down.

Jules’ cheeks were reddened, his eyes flashing when they met Remus’. He knew that his little brother was angry. He didn’t fully understand what exactly was going on, why Remus couldn’t go to college here, where he was, why he had to leave him. 

“Jules, come on bud, give me a hug.” His own voice was shaky, even though he didn’t want it to be. He didn’t want to leave home, but he wanted to pursue his dreams. So he was. But Julian was still so small, lip pushing forward in a pout.

“Miss you, Re”, he whispered, and Remus swallowed, smiling. “I know, I’ll miss you too, J. I’ll be home Christmas, alright?”

Without even asking anymore, he had pulled his little brother into his arms and breathed in his childlike scent and the smell of his flowery shampoo deeply, one last time, before standing up quickly and kissing his parents goodbye.

-

After his hockey career was ended by Greyback, Remus came home for rehabilitation and to take a break. He hadn’t cried a single time, and he didn’t cry when his parents hugged him, careful to not hurt him, tears in their eyes. He didn’t cry at all. Instead, his head hurt and his eyes were burning, like they had been dried out by heat and sand.

He went to his room and sat down on his bed, burying his face in a hand. When he looked up, his eyes met the tall wall, filled to the brim with flowers. He had loved this wall, it had been a display of all his success, his achievements, his hopes and his goals.

Goals that no longer existed.

In the middle, there was a free spot. A large flower for his first game in the NHL. A spot that would forever remain empty. It was like the wall was laughing at him. Cold, heartless laughs. They sounded awfully like the one Greyback had given him after ruining his life.

There were newspaper articles about him, prices, sticks, pictures of his old team and new. It was all so taunting, burning, like the burn in his shoulder. 

He jumped up, and ran into the bathroom. He threw up.

When he came back out, his mother was standing in front of him, reaching out, but he just couldn’t. He pushed past her and left the house through the back door.

The sky was dark, almost black with thunder clouds, staring down at him. The flower garden looked different than last time he had seen it. It was always different, every time.

He made his way through the back and let himself fall in a larger patch of mud. His head fell sideways, and he stared into the heart of a rose. His rose, of course. Something had fallen on it, because the stem was broken. He almost laughed. 

The heart of the rose, the tear of gold, had been protected this whole time. Just like his own. He had hidden it, deep inside, along with his secret, for no one to come close to, for no one to reach, so he wouldn’t get hurt. 

While the stem, his body, had been open and bared, too easy to break. And with it, his heart had broken too. Because his heart was nothing if he couldn’t use his body, just like this rose would die, cut off from her life supply once her body didn’t work.

He felt broken.

His eyes fell close as the first drop hit his forehead, drop, just like that. Another followed, and before long, it was pouring, heavy drops hitting his face and soaking his clothes. It was cold, and it hurt, but he stayed.

The rain mixed with his tears, and the thunder mixed with his broken sobs. 

-

For his first passed exam on his way to become a PT, his family gave him a huge ass bar of chocolate.

“I made it myself, Re!!”, Julian told him, excitement bright in his eyes, and Remus smiled back. 

“That’s so cool, Jules. I don’t know if I can eat it if you made it though, it’s too good to waste.”

“Nooo”, Jules whined, hanging onto him.

“We put flowers in it!”  
Hope chuckled at his face. “Edible flowers. Sage flowers. They have a sweet taste and they are really good for you. I grew them.”

“Of course, you did”, his dad said with a soft smile.

Remus thought that maybe this could become a new tradition, too.

-

He got his first tattoo on the day before his twenty-fifth birthday. That day, Sirius was out with Pots and the team for lunch and some PR meetings, promising over and over that he would be home at night so they could celebrate into his birthday.

It all felt good. After all the drama, the All-Stars, the game in Vegas… there had been so much confrontation with his past and what had happened, that he felt it was important to move on. 

Because he was happy. So truly happy, that he didn’t know if he had ever been that happy before. Not even when he had still played Hockey, and chased his dream. Dreams could change.

And for the first time in his life, he wasn’t holding back. He wasn’t hiding part of himself, keeping part of him locked away in the depths of his heart. He was free, and he was in love, and it was good. Sirius was good. 

When he came home from the tattoo place, it was already later than he had thought it would be, and Sirius was waiting, grin wide and eyes bright.

“Montrez-moi. Allez, Re, I wanna see!” Remus laughed, being pulled in by Sirius as he kissed him.

He had told him that he was getting a tattoo, but not which one or where. But it was cute, the way his eyes were lit up in anticipation at looking.

“Okay, okay, wait.”

He carefully peeled off his clothes until he was shirtless, and Sirius’ eyes lit up even more, now probably not just from anticipation of looking at the tattoo.

Then he saw it.

“Ohh”, he breathed out, fingers carefully coming up to his shoulder as he looked closer. 

Remus almost closed his eyes. Sirius’ breath was coasting warmly over the still slightly irritated skin, tickling. 

“Lavender”, Sirius whispered.

It was a single, loosely sketched out lavender bloom, raking over his shoulder, slender but there, minimal but … important. Meaningful.

“My mum always said it has healing properties”, he murmured. Sirius raised his head to look at him and smile warmly.  
“C’est très jolie. Just like you.”

He bit his lip, blinking. “Thank you, baby.”

Sirius hummed, kissing him. 

In a way, it was ironic. The thing that had caused him the most pain, physically and mentally, had been this right exact shoulder. It had been hurt, and with it all that he thought he was. 

But it became one of his favourite things.

While he loved the tattoo, when it was fully healed always giving it a look in the mirror in the morning or after a shower, smiling, Sirius didn’t just love it. 

It was almost like he was a little obsessed. Not that Remus would start complaining. 

Sometimes he thought the other man didn’t even notice, but his fingers would always subconsciously brush over the place he knew the tattoo was etched into his skin. When he pinned Remus to the bed, making him laugh and then shutting him up with a kiss, stealing his breath, his lips would always wander to his shoulder. Placing small, light kisses on the tattoo, like butterflies. 

Like the butterflies making a little dance low in his stomach. He loved, loved, loved it all so much, that eventually, these became the first things coming to his mind when he thought of his shoulder. Good memories, happy, and beloved, and not ones of pain. 

-

He didn’t sleep in his childhood bedroom until he brought Sirius home for the first time.

It had always hurt just a bit too much, seeing it all and looking at it all. Reminding him of all that he had lost, and what could have been if he hadn’t been controlled by his fear.

“You let me see your old bedroom, yeah?”, Sirius grinned as they rang the doorbell. 

“Yeah”, he breathed out, stomach fluttering nervously. But not in a bad way. He stole one last kiss before they went inside, greeting everyone, talking about their flight and travel, exchanged little gifts, spent some time with Julian. 

Then they were left alone, to freshen up, and to relax a little bit before dinner later. 

“Bedroom?”, Sirius asked, eyes glowing, and Remus laughed because to an outsider it could’ve sounded like something very different than what Sirius actually wanted. 

“Fine, let’s go. It’s right here.”

Remus opened the door for him, and Sirius walked in curiously, immediately looking around. 

Remus did too. It was, all things considered, a pretty normal teen bedroom. Yeah, there was lots of hockey things, but the only thing that really stood out was the wall, of course.

Sirius’ eyes fell on it. 

“Oh, wow, what is that?” He stepped closer, and Remus joined him.

“It’s all the flowers my mum gave me. One, um, one for every game I played.”

Sirius’ eyes widened as his eyes raked over the wall, taking in all the small flowers and just… looking. 

“It’s quite some flowers”, he hummed, carefully touching the one right in front of him. A wild Daisy.

Then his eyes stopped in the centre, at the bald spot. He looked at Remus, tilting his head, and a strand of hair fell in his eye. Remus reached out to brush it back. 

“That was… for my first NHL game”, he whispered, looking away and at the spot on the wall. He reached out to touch it.

It still hurt. And it would probably always hurt, in a way. But it would hurt in a different way. Back then, the pain had ripped him apart, his heart and everything he had thought made him the person he was. 

Now, Remus hurt more for the boy that he had been then. The pain was still there, but not nearly as crushing, because he had something so good now. But the bald spot would always remind him. 

Sirius came up behind him, nuzzling his nose into Remus’ hair. “You have a thing for flowers?”, he murmured, chest against his back, and he breathed out a small laugh.

“Kinda.”

“Wanna show me that backyard garden then?”

Remus turned around in his arms to smile at him, kiss him shortly.

“You don’t wanna creep through all my stuff, hm?”

Sirius grinned. “Now you got me thinking there’s something to see. I’m intrigued. Maybe later. I wanna see more flowers now.”

So, he led him outside. 

Because Sirius insisted, they went through every row of flowers, having Remus explain every one to him, and proceeding to tell him the French names. 

“And back there’s my favourite one”, he said at last, leading him to the roses. He thought back to lying in the dirt and rain, pain rippling through every fibre in his body, thinking his life was over before it had really begun. It had taken him long to get up, in many ways. 

Now, there was grass grown over the mud, and they sat down on it, sun shining in Sirius’ hair and making it shine. 

“C’est la Remus-rose”, Sirius grinned, carefully touching the flower, and Remus blushed, almost embarrassed. 

“I never told you about that”, he said, and Sirius giggled. “Yeah, but your maman did. Love Hope.”

Oh, cool. Remus was totally going to kill his mum and marry this man at the same time. 

“Don’t be embarrassed, Loops, it’s cute. Also, she was right. It’s the best flower, fits you.”

Remus smiled softly, cheeks still slightly flushed, and looked at the way Sirius was gazing at the flowers adoringly. 

It had grown back. More beautiful than before, almost like a Phoenix. It had grown back stronger. Just like him. 

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe how much he loved Sirius, when a drop landed on his scalp. He froze. 

“Come on, the sun was shining like seconds ago!”, he murmured, looking up at the rain cloud that had pulled up. 

Another drop landed, on Sirius, drops multiplying quickly. 

A wide grin started to break out on Sirius’ face.

“Have always wanted to make out in the rain.”  
He laughed.  
“Oh, really? Watched too many Disney movies with Dumos kids?”

Sirius stuck out his tongue, before it began pouring and he pulled him in for a kiss. 

Remus didn’t say it, but he too, had always thought about kissing the person he loved in the rain. Just like his parents had done, when they would dance and sing in the rain. 

He heard his family coming into the garden, loudly singing. He laughed. “They’re singing to the rain.”

Sirius laughed too. “We better join them then, non?”

Remus had always loved flowers. But he loved this, more. Because it was forever.

\----

Thank you for reading! Make sure to leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed the story :)


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